Personal passions shared build trust
Hearing stories of local NGO staff's passions helps build trust, rapport, and a connection to matters that matter to them. In a culturally-sensitive way, intentionally crafting listening spaces with partners deepens understanding.
After the formal meeting, strategy session, or interview ends, deeper conversation with local NGO staff (with food), provides an opportunity to listen. Seated next to a senior director, program specialist, or the interpreter allows personal stories the air time they deserve. In between bites of the local cuisine, following curiosity rewards the deep listener.
Music as an example. On one of the main tourist streets in an Asian city, a senior leader of a local NGO guided the visitors towards meal choices. Seated outside, combating the volume of the pedestrians, cars, and motorbikes, the table companion shared stories of playing music in the home as well as in a cultural setting. The joy of parent-child music practice and performance was obvious in the tone and facial features while relating what instruments were included and the genre of the music.
The joyful stories of playing music contrasted with the anecdotes from the formal interview earlier in the day. Those work-focused revelations included difficult negotiations with local government, the burden of overtime on staff well-being, and awkwardness responding to ambiguous messaging from an international funder. If the guitar appeared on a stand by the dinner table, this senior leader would showcase musical talent during the meal.
Over lunch of local cuisine in a Latin American country, a senior leader of a local NGO played an audio recording of music he and his son recorded. The phone volume was just high enough to hear with an ear pressed to the device. The pride of the recording fit with the stories shared during the previous two days about how music was integral to life (and a previous occupation). Playing music in a local cultural setting, with family members, highlighted deeply-held values and practices.
The passion of the Latin American interpreter (including high-quality live interpretation, translation, and technical writing) shone through the stories of writing poetry, essays, and acting in a locally-produced movie. The interpreter played the movie trailer on a mobile device and gave a printed copy of the poems (in Spanish; thank you image translation tool).
Hearing these stories of passions outside working for and with the local NGO required space, time, a conducive environment, and listening ears. The partners shared of their interests during long breaks in the schedule (when we looked each other in the eye rather than responding to that SMS or email) or over a meal. The enabling environment of unstructured time is necessary. A second critical element is a willing, inquisitive conversation partner posing open-ended questions of the local staff. Curiosity opens doors for revealing passions.
Sport connects (and can separate). A language difference may raise a barrier of understanding partners from different cultures. The culture of sport can adhere passions and people. A follower of global football (soccer; fútbol) shares the love of a favorite team; or fans of direct rivals taunt and tease in friendly banter. Inquiring about a favorite team, especially of the Beautiful Game, opens doors for connection.
For those who engage in an outdoor activity, including playing a team sport, shared experiences among partners presents the opportunity to connect over similar stories. Examples include bike riding and mountain climbing socially with friends. In one Latin American country, two partners shared about the love of weekend rides or day-long hikes. Sharing personal stories of the same interest smooths the path towards mutual appreciation and relational understanding. All it takes is curiosity about hobbies.
Family ties and stories connect partners in fundamental ways. In a west African country, a partner revealed the purposeful severance of family ties leading to no communication with parents and siblings. Such an inflection point in the life story of this individual provided important nuance for personal priorities and emotional realities. Another partner in the same country spoke honestly about a child's growth, trajectory, and apprehension about the future. Honesty about family relations connects partners from distinct cultures, as people are willing to inquire and share joys and pains of familial stories.
The enabling environment of unstructured time for open-ended, non-work-focused questions must be designed into the flow of the necessary formal interactions. These informal moments of asking about partner's passions can increase trust and honesty across the mix of formal and informal engagements. Even most introverts relish sincere curiosity, resulting in a shared, personal story about interests and passions. A sample of those stories, shared above, are simple examples opening up the complexity of the human condition; with gratitude to partners who shared their stories.
